Archive for the ‘stuff’ Category
/rant on
And they wonder why people are using FedEx and UPS instead of the US Postal Service. Hmmm…I wonder why. Perhaps this shitty “tracking” system is why!
This afternoon, I got an email confirming the shipment of an item I bought on eBay:
I was so excited! I clicked on the link (the pixelated line of numbers up there), only to get the following really helpful message from the USPS website:
If this had been the first time I had been duped into clicking a “tracking” link from the US Postal Service, I would probably think “oh, well, maybe it hasn’t been updated in their system yet or something”, but it’s NOT. Every single time I get a shipping confirmation from the USPS, it leads me to a page that tells me there is no record of the item.
And yet, all of the items have eventually found their way to my house, which leads me to believe that the USPS tracking system is a giant bullshit lie.
If you’re going to offer a service in modern times that promises to track a package, you had damn well better actually track the effing package. Just because you tell me that it’s being tracked doesn’t mean it actually is unless it actually is being tracked!
So, if the USPS is wondering “what can we do to compete with FedEx and UPS”, I have the answer for them:
ACTUALLY TRACK PACKAGES. DON’T JUST SAY YOU ARE DOING IT AND GIVE ME A BULLSHIT LINK!
/rant off
Ah, I feel better. If only everyone would just run everything past me. Then the world would be a much better place. For me, anyway! 
So, this morning I was telling the huzz about the Vdara Hotel in Vegas, and how its curved and mirrored surface was creating a “death ray” that was baking people in its pool area, and the following exchange occurred:
From: fletcherism
To: smellanie
Sent: Fri, October 1, 2010 12:09:17 PM
Subject: Re: DEATH RAY hotel
that is indeed some crazy-ass shit.
or: some crazy ass-shit.
_____________________________________________
From: smellanie
To: fletcherism
Sent: Fri, October 1, 2010 3:46:34 PM
Subject: Re: DEATH RAY hotel
HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really wanted to do a hilarious image for “crazy ass-shit” but I’ve been harangued all day by people who apparently think I work here or some shit.
_____________________________________________
From: fletcherism
To: smellanie
Sent: Fri, October 1, 2010 3:51:45 PM
Subject: Re: DEATH RAY hotel
well, it is the thought that counts.
and now i can’t stop thinking of The Count from The Muppets.he is my thought and he counts!
_____________________________________________
From: smellanie
To: fletcherism
Sent: Fri, October 1, 2010 4:04:48 PM
Subject: Re: DEATH RAY hotel
I’ve been playing Oblivion recently. One of the great things about Oblivion is that you can make your own character class, and you can name it. And then it asks you if you are sure.
Glenda was thinking about having her breasts enlarged as a present to her husband (and to herself) for their 20th anniversary. She called around and asked after various plastic surgeons in the area, finally deciding on a doctor who came highly recommended. She was nervous as she waited for him, but soon discovered she needn’t have been: he couldn’t have been nicer.
The doctor, one Brevin Alger, was very experienced and professional. He explained that he typically warned his patients against rushing into the surgery. He told Glenda that he recommended watching a brief documentary on the procedure that would explain it in great detail. Furthermore, he advised all of his breast-surgery candidates to take home some temporary fit-over, false-breasts to try out so her exact, preferred size could be determined.
The falsies, Glenda was pleased to discover, looked very natural and fit her like a second skin. She thanked the doctor and set up a follow-up appointment for two-weeks hence. She walked to her car with a box full of fake breasts of varying sizes and drove home.
Glenda was only two blocks from home when the truck t-boned her car. She suffered only minor injuries and was released from the hospital a few hours later. Her husband, Antoine, drove her to the mechanic where her insurance company had her car towed to.
The Passat was a total loss. She pulled what she could from the car and realized with growing dread that the box full of the interim-bosoms was nowhere in sight. She searched fruitlessly for several more minutes and even asked the man tending the garage if he had seen any trace of the box. He hadn’t. She left.
When she returned home, she called Dr. Alger’s office and explained what had happened. The office manager wasn’t without sympathy, but she explained to Glenda that the loaner-boobs would have to be paid for, and suggested that she call her insurance company and see if her coverage might help out.
Glenda took the advice and spoke to her agent, who then told her she would have to do some checking and then call her back. The phone rang about an hour later. Glenda anxiously inquired about the coverage, to which her agent replied:
“I am sorry, but your policy clearly states that there is no remittance for Short-Term Mammary-Loss.”
Hey, readers! We want to make sure that all four of you know we are currently in sunny San Diego for Comic Con 2010! We have a veritable shitload of pictures and stories to share, but we are entirely too fucking tired to do it all right now. We promise updates and pics when we get back to the nice cool forest we call home.
Here is a little sample for you! It’s Canadian Mister T as rendered by Joel Watson of Hijinks Ensue:
Well, now you can date European women. Just check out the amazing European hotness:
Not convinced? How about now:
I’m very happy for this European woman and her acceptance of her non-traditional looks, but I’m not sure if this is what the advertiser really was going for. What do ya’ll think?
